There's Only One Bazza (And Apparently He Has A Placenta...?)

Oh. I just looked up "placenta" on Google images. That was...interesting. It really does look like a plate O_o
I'm just gonna go...send the images to companies by email :P cos that's how I rolllll.

Type in "planking", "owling" and "worlds best moustache" into Google. And prepared to be entertaineeed :)

This blog post is dedicated to Baaaazzzza. "Donny Osmond looks like a flapjack that's been roasted for too long" Just one of the gems he has said. At first I was so suprised, I had to check in case mum was listening (mum's a big Donny fan) but I think she was out at the time. Oh. Maybe she heard on the CCTV camera! :O

Donald Clark Osmond

If those words are uttered, you are sure to here mum call "IT'S NOT DONALD, IT'S DONNY!!" (today, I almost expected mum to roar...that's how serious it is)
Yeah she prefers him to be called Donny :P

That's why I keep calling him Donald.


Barry says DONALD looks like Stefan Dennis. Mum retorts: I think Stefan has a *few* more wrinkles than Donny!!! look at his forehead!! Donny is very good looking *phh* How could Stefan look like Donny!

Mum was never one to hold back on opinion.

I was wearing my black stiletto boots ;) These boots are made for waaallkinggg...all over youuu!! (Hey, I was singing it to the floor! duh!)
(Marion over the tannoy at Morrisons) Daniel Gibbs you are needed at the Fiesty Cougar counter straight away. I repeat, Daniel Gibbs you are needed at the Fiesty Cougar counter. Thank you.

Daniel: oh great not the cougars again.
is pulled in by vulture like creatures
Dazza: noooo!!! don't let them take me!!! im so young!!!

Marion: They're cougars, that's exactly the point.

Barry Luke Stuart,

may you remain....

A frother, forever.

My Humour Allowence Is Running Out O_o And Other Confessions

Good mid afternoon. I haven't been keeping up with the dates. Or the time. Lets check: It's actually 12:00pm. And it's the 18th of July 1999. Wait. That's not right. It's the 19th isn't it? So I have been so busy. Lets have a look at what I have been doing since my absence from blogging. (I'm sure YOU noticed), to all the people who are interested: (I guess that will be Me, Myself and I then...hey I've got three readers!!!)
I have been organising a charity cupcake sale at my friends school
Yeah so my mum rang up the school and she was like "my weird and silky smooth* child would like to hold a cupcake sale at your school" and they were like: "what IS a cupcake?!" and I said down the phone "you know that thing?? that you eat??" mum: "no my child does not go to your school but her friends do" awquared silence "mum on hold" (longer than when she was giving birth to me might I add) *chelseys hopes going up* woman at the school: "no sorry, you can not do the what you call- "cupcake" stall as we already have caterers * chelseys hopes deflating* Mum: (ever grateful) "well thank you anyway and thanks for finding out for us"
Me: I think it was the "silky smooth" mention that got us a "no". Health and safety.

O_o......

Oh yesh, I shall still be doing the cupcake stall. Just not on the school turf. Yep, I'm not going to let a small thing like my skin texture being rejected stop me. Because Chelsey-Ann is unstoppableee. You can't stop such a weird, silky, minty fresshhh girl like me.
BABUSHKA BABUSHKA. Yes I am making a BABUSHKA doll. I'ts looking cute! I am so into traditional crafts. I will be selling my little Babushka friend at my cupcake stall (I am also selling handmade items with my old school mate Chelsy. Yep, we are becoming a double act ;) )
Also, I now have two magazines. One for the boyyss and one for the galss.
Here is a sum up of the music I have been listening to: It was those 3 Words to make me Want To Break Free from your Swagger Jagger because it's All About Tonight.
Type it in, type it in ;)

I like the base. I like the base. I like the buttery biscuit base. BUT IT NEEDS MORE OOMPHH. Masterchef Synesthesia: Epic.

I have a craft business with mum too. Yep, order handmade products such as accesories.
Lets give a shout out too.....Daniel Gibbs. Ever faithful to the Bee Gees fly tipping adventures. Oh yeah, an update on that. They have finished their fly tipping. I know, it lasted quite a while didn't it?
Oblivious to what I'm talking about? Check out my previous bloggg posts.

Word.

You want a word? Here's one: Linguini.

I'm doing a little advertising for this here blog: Ring up the company the Job Center kindly provided for people who are looking to hand out leaflets, let it go to voice mail, then leave them a message asking to visit this here website. Clever eh? Yep, you've corrected me. Chelsey-Ann and clever can not be put in the same sentence.

Not even in the same blog post. Oops.
Anyhoo, my brother went to see the last Harry Potter film. Seems to me like it was epic. EPIC.

Irene Fisher. Apparently she is a relation. To a fox, anyway. No, I'm not saying she looks like a fox, of course. You may be confused. Here's the story. You don't care? do I hear you say? HERE IS THE STORY: (caps lock-gets peoples attention) Barry told me about Irene. I didn't know who she was but Barry said she is a relation of us. Apparently she thinks cucumber is my favourite vegetable so when she comes round for a cuppa she brings me a cucumber. Or purees it and pops it in a bag.......Yeah. Also, she-
Not sure how to go about telling you her hobby. She-
.....
Breeds with rabbits. Or tries to.
There I said it.
I wondered why Barry hadn't told her about Eevee. (our pet rabbit, remember?) She only knew about our late family pet, Emma the rabbit.
......  Apparently Irene is on Facebook. So I might have a look for her.
So yeah. I asked dad and Benjamin Bunny if they knew about Irene but they seem oblivious. Then I thought Barry said "Eileen Emps" so I asked dad if she was one of his customers (piano tuner daddyyy) but he said he does not remember tuning an "Eileen Emps" piano. It turned out Barry said "Irene" not Eileen" and Emps is her middle name.
Where does the fox come into this story? Well Bazza saw a fox today (it looked like it hadn't eaten-God bless Foxy) and Barry Bee suggested the fox was Irene. At first I thought "well that makes the rabbit breeding thing make a bit more sense...sort of" but then Barry said no, Irene is probably a person, not a fox. But I will remember that Fox, (who I have named Foxy) as it shows how a building can destroy one animals home.
And find the moral in the blog post....

I have also made even more friends :) love my foxy friends!!!
Oh and been organising a family trip too.
Oh and the second stage of Operation: BFF has begun. (I so want her to be my best friend again ;) )
Will the plan work? Well, like I said, Chelsey-Ann is unstopableeeee (and minty fresshh $)

Well I will do another blog post soon. ;) In fact, I shall spam my website with blog posts. Woohoo!!! Well, "woohoo" for Me, Myself and I anyway...I will try my best to keep my three readers.

Swag.

*in American accent* I just came here to collect my WALLET Officer: I have no idea what you are talking about.
Don't know what I'm talking about? Type in: WORLDS DUMMEST POLICE OFFICER into Youtube.
And I leave you with this: "Mr Mcdoodle walks into a bar and he says to Ewan McGregor "do you come here often" lol I laughed so much at this joke I made up (laughing at my own joke-is that ok??)

And if you don't get the joke (I told it like 3 months ago and Barry and Ben STILL don't get it, it must not be a very good joke :O) I will leave you with this: In the morning I found honey in my belly button. (just joking-and now the whole world is put off honey-ok well just Me, Myself and I...)

$ It helps.
*silky smooth skin due to Chelsey's new found enthusiasm for baby lotion.

Justin Bieber Shaking His Maracas...And Other Things

You know how it goes...*Chelsey goes to Youtube* Then: "I just need somebody to loooooveee, I don't need too much, just, just somebody to loveee-" Barry: Chelsey, are you watching Justin Bieber shaking his maracas? Chelsey: Nooo *closes Youtube* I was just uuhh checking to see if his hair is still full. You know, cos fans wouldn't like it if he didn't have a  full head of hair. Let me check...yep, hairs full! Barry: No, I caught you watching him shake his maracas!! Chelsey: Nooo.
I was just interested! I was just seeing what his music was like! I don't know where Barry got this "maracas" thing from. Of course there is no shame in being a Bieber fan! So now that I've got that out of the way, lets move on to other news. The Bee Gees have moved their fly tipping to Florida and even Switzerland and set up a Tip-The-Fly booth. Now, lets give you the gossip on people who my mum has also given birth to...
Bazza Banter:
His middle name is now "Moltres Ninja"
He once chewed on some wood
He gives our rabbit Eevee swimming lessons. In the air.
Vegeta (Dragon Ball and DBZ) doesn't feature on his Dragon Ball
t-shirt because there is not enough room to show his ego.

Being Ben:
His middle name is now "Look At Eevee's Tail! Hehe Look It's Moving"
He is on Twitter! Follow him @stuwieben Actually, he has been on Twitter
for a while, I just forgot to mention it.
He pronounces Karen as "Keiran"
He gets a bit uncomfortable when I gently scratch at his hand

Oh! And other news, Daniel is thinking about joining Twitter!!! It is so exciting!
He told me yesterday on Facebook. I was chatting to him on there even though
he was in the same room. What has technology done to us.
Uhh, I would subscribe to your personality, but I wouldn't be getting my money's worth. Oh! Who said that! Oh great, people took it seriously and are now scratching at their carpets and saying "Uuh, I would subscribe to your jokes, but I wouldnt be getting my moneys worth" You are clever clogs, arn't you, my readers. I'm not being sarcastic, you are clever clogs!! "I'm not short, I'm fun sized!" I read this quote online. I thought it was cool. "When your face is a trending topic on Twitter, you know it's going the same way as Myspace" Joke, joke. People still use Myspace! So soon I am gonna go round a couple of friends houses. Yay! Ok, Ben is gonna start talking now! Straw Ok then... Ok this is Ben, you know him, I have mentioned him a lot. What do you say to my invisible readers, Ben? They are not invisible. I mean, I don't have readers. Oh apart from that nice pen pal of Bazzas. You have lots of readers, think how many you've got on the internet. Use Google Analytics. Have you used that? No I haven't. I don't want to talk about it! No one has commented! Why don't they comment *hint hint* Can we change the subject? What do you wanna talk about? Straw. Nooeally. Dick Strawbridges Moustache. Nooeally. Nooeally. What's Nooeally? It's a typo. I meant to put Not really. Ok then. *yawns* Is that a metaphore for my blog? Oooohhh no. Just a coincidence. So what girl celeb do you like at the moment? In what way? Lots of ways, talent i.e singer, actress. Or looks. Or fashion sense. Oooh speculation. So which one then? I pick...um..ok then, Jennifer Metcalfe. Ohhh!! Ooohh she's a type of cow. No I don't mean it like that! Calfe is in her name, you know, cow, calfe. Shes certainly not a cow. Oooh!
Ok thank you Ben for that enlightening interview for my blog. What do you say now? I'm just putting the coslaw in the fridge. That's nice. If Jennifer Metcalfe is reading this, what would you like to say? Hello. I am just holding a tortilla wrap. Ok then...
"Uhhh, hello, this is Andrew Stuart reporting for your, uuuh, 6 monthly piano tuning is do. Uh, yes? Hahahaha!
Uh, yes, thats right. So are you available for uh, Tuesday? Is Tuesday good for you...Uh, what time? I know you have to be up early for- 11 am, yes I should be able to do that. Just check my diary...Yes, yes thats a good time, I should be on my way to hornchurch at around 10 so I can, uuh, stop by on the way. Hahahaha!
So, how are you Mrs B.L.T. ? Your, your well are you? Oh, oh well thats good then, yeah. Well I will see you then! Uh yes, uh take care, bye!! Yeah, buh bye! That was my dad. He used to be part of Stuart & Hoggins. Now he is part of Jolly Services & Co. Naturally.

The Beegees Fly-Tipping In Vancouver? Whatever Next!

I haven't updated or a while, I'm sure you've noticed. Thats because I have been doing stuff! Remember that thing, doing stuff, where you engage in actual activities? No? Ok then. Anyway, my little nostrils, I'm sure you've heard about the Beegee's fly tipping. I know! Rascals. It was Robin Gibb who started it, he just wanted the Fly's to have more money. So what have you been up to? Stuff? Just chillin' with yo home dogs by the fridge? The bare fridge? That's nice. No I am not making fun of your accents. Anyways so I have been doing lots of stuff, so let  me list them for you.....Going to Mason's house: Yep I go round my friends house. Painting in the garden with the Bazza and the Ben: It was such a lot of fun!! We found slugs that look like Ben and we found the Labour MP's as bugs!! Did you know Ed Milliband was a earwig? Actually, don't answer that. Getting 100 followers on Twitter: Yep, thats right! But then 3 people unfollowed me...Mind you, I unfollow people if they post rude things and so on. Reaching my 500th frother: This was so exciting!! I have only been doing frothers for a few months and this is a real achevment!! And I have been doing lots of other stuff and I suggest you do to! Try it, instead of staring at my blog in the hope that I might post a blog. So get out there and do something fun!! Or relax with a book! What you wanna do. You know, I am easily amused. Very easily. You know that thing you can do with your mouth (not frother) and it goes "bbbbbbb"?You know what I mean? Well I did that and it felt like I was almost flying. It amused me, I was like "bbbbbbb. Hahaha I almost took off!" LOL And last night, whilst playing Pokemon trading card game with the Ben and the Bazza, I decided to amuse us with some jokes. I found some in The Sun newspaper, such as "I went to college dressed as 3 different people, on the third time, they gave me the third degree" and "Then I went to Tesco and saw a man and a woman wrapped up in a barcode. I said are you a item?" Hahaha. Then I reeled off jokes I had heard such as "A seal walked into a club" and "A mushroom goes to a bar and the barman says you can't come in here and the mushroom says why not I'm a fun guy" What? I couldn't think of anything else! I had to make up my own joke at around 10:00pm: "Mr McDoodle says to Ewan McGregor so do you come here often?" LOL do you get the joke?? I think its quite funny!! And it's quite clever. So you see, this is the time to do simple things, that  you enjoy, things  that amuse you, just spend some time with family, friends and frothers. I know I am. Have fun!
12:00 midnight: Me: haha he says "do you come here often?" hehe. Ben: I still don't get the joke.